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How often have you found yourself trembling, heart pounding, legs weak, cheeks on fire, when facing a colleague or your boss, a teacher or a traffic cop, or simply a person of the opposite sex?

Shyness can be paralyzing at any age.

It causes bizarre anxieties, nightmares, indigestion and, when the occasion to be strong and affirmative has passed, infinite regrets.

You might not be aware that most psychologists who have published works on the subject, were at one time very shy themselves.

Who is more likely to be interested in shyness, and write hundreds of pages about it, than a person who is shy!

Those who have never suffered from shyness are incapable of understanding to what point it can ruin our lives and make us unhappy.

Self assurance, confidence and ease of expression are the main qualities of a magnetic personality.

If being shy is forcing you to hide Page 3 behind a shell, then you're missing out on many of the beauties of existence.

Throw away your shell, and learn to live a full and satisfying life!

What kind of shy person are you?

There are varying degrees and numerous types of shyness.

1. You're invited to a party with thirty other people.

3. You arrive late for a conference, and realize that the entrance is right in front of the audience.

17. Do you think that others know how shy you are?

If you got between 70 and 100 points: You are deeply and obsessively shy.

You probably gave up trying to overcome your shyness, which has ruined your life and prevented you from fulfilling yourself, a long time ago.

Other people probably find you nice, if a little standoffish.

When you're with people you don't know, you hide your shyness by being distant, which unfortunately comes across as arrogance.

Between 40 and 70 points: You are shy, certainly, but you often succeed in hiding it.

You're very self conscious, and make constant efforts to express yourself and gain other people's respect.

This usually works, and people who don't know you well are fooled.

You must have a whole series of little "tricks" which create the illusion of self assurance and courage.

You're a person who hides your shyness.

Less than 40 points: You suffer from occasional bouts of shyness, but they're not frequent enough to affect your life, and you've learned to make the effort required to overcome attacks of shyness which could cause problems.

You may have become more self assured as you matured.

Or maybe your successes have improved your self image and given you the confidence you lacked.

Or you may just feel comfortable doing exactly what you like.

Whatever the reason, you are only occasionally and slightly shy.

To fight an enemy, you first have to know who or what it is.

Therefore, the aim of the first exercise you should do is to objectively study your shyness.

Over the next few days, you're going to observe your shyness in action, coldly and clinically, as if you were a specialist examining an interesting prehistoric specimen which everyone thought had been extinct for hundreds of thousands of years.

1. Get comfortable in front of a mirror and look at yourself attentively.

The person you see is a stranger whom you're meeting for the first time.

Absorb the image in front of you.

You should always keep it in mind.

2. From now on you will be split into two persons: an "actor" who goes through the movements of day to day living, and an "observer" who stands in the wings and carefully examines those acts and gestures.

Try to see yourself, exactly like you were in the mirror.

3. Get a notebook and pen, and keep them with you constantly for the next two weeks.

4. For two weeks, observe yourself getting up in the morning, taking a shower, getting dressed, eating breakfast and leaving for work.

Watch yourself walking in the street, taking the bus, shopping, etc. 5.

At some point during the day, you're going to confront your shyness.

Take time to observe yourself carrying out mundane and familiar activities, which don't require any special effort.

After a few hours, the mechanism of splitting and observing yourself will come naturally.

It could concern a meeting with your boss, or a request you have to make from someone you don't know, or trying to get a refund from a supplier, etc. 6.

Every time you feel an attack of shyness coming on, do what is called a "stop-frame" in movie jargon.

7. Immediately ask yourself the following questions and write your answers down in your notebook: What am I afraid of at this moment?

For example: "I felt intimidated because I was afraid my boss would criticize me.

If you apply yourself, it shouldn't take more than two weeks to determine the causes of your shyness, and the kinds of situations that set off your fear reflex.

An important element of the path you've just taken is the lucidity which it has automatically given you.

The role of observer, which you've been playing for the past few weeks, has allowed you not only to identify your own motivations, but also to gain some insight into the motivations of others.

By sharpening your perception of yourself, you also get rid of the apprehension which has prevented you from seeing others as they are, in the full light of day.

Where before you saw some kind of ogre, you now see an ordinary human being.

So a person who seemed arrogant and frightening, now appears insecure, hiding their feelings of inferiority behind an aggressive personality, full of sabre-rattling bravado and boasting.

You'll need a few more weeks of discipline, as well as a reasonable dose of introspection and self honesty.

But you've already passed the most difficult part of the test - you are now able to confront your shyness.

Even if you remain somewhat reserved and uncomfortable in the limelight for the rest of your life, don't worry.

Being a little shy is not a defect - on the contrary.

Most of us are put off by people who are too arrogant, too sure of themselves, who impose themselves on others without ever considering that they might not be appreciated.

Modesty, tact and sensitivity are all qualities that should be cultivated.

The time has come to balance the accounts of your two weeks of "split personality" observations.

Do you feel you know yourself better?

Do you think you have more control over your imagination?

Have you noticed that you're less likely to be clumsy in your day to day activities?

Do you think you've gotten to the root of your shyness?

Do you feel as frightened as before by other people?

Logically, you should observe a significant improvement.

Now the next question is very important.

If you can honestly answer in the affirmative, then you're doing very well.

If not, you should continue with the "split personality" exercise - go back to the beginning and start all over again.

Do you have a greater understanding of what motivates other people?

The preceding method was designed to help you confront your shyness head on, and to analyze it from a number of different points of view.

Why not add a few more exercises, which are more precise and designed to overcome certain specific aspects of your shyness?

You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain!

You're probably convinced that being shy makes you some kind of inferior being.

In this exercise, you're going to make a list of the advantages and disadvantages of the negative image you have of yourself.

You're convinced that your shyness is detrimental to your value as a person.

You're going to write them down clearly, in black and white, in two columns, and then calculate the percentage of advantages as opposed to disadvantages.

Then you'll do exactly the same thing, only using a positive self image as a base, something like: "My shyness doesn't make me an inferior being - I'm just human, vulnerable and sensitive."

1. This attitude forces me to master my feelings and hide my weaknesses.

2. If I hide my feelings well, people won't realize just how badly I feel about myself, and won't reject me.

1. Trying to hide my true self only emphasizes my shyness.

2. My shyness creates the impression that nothing about me is positive, and that I'm incapable of doing anything.

4. I am lonely, because I can't share my feelings with other people.

Positive image: "My shyness is just part of being human - I'm vulnerable and sensitive like everyone else."

3. I'll be less afraid to talk to other people, because there's absolutely no reason why they should think I'm stupid or a failure.

Here are some examples of the kind of inner dialogue you should be having.

You shouldn't have any trouble using them as a model for identifying your own anxieties.

I hear you say, "isn't that a contradiction in terms?"

Shy people are arrogant because they imagine - and this is one of the underlying causes of shyness - that they're unique, that they're one of a kind, that no one else on earth is as shy as they are.

To convince yourself, do the following "survey" exercise.

This exercise will expand your horizons considerably.

As its name indicates, you're going to conduct a survey amongst your friends and acquaintances.

This exercise will prove that a large number of people, even those who seem most self assured, have at one time or another in their lives felt the same symptoms of shyness as you.

Didn't you ever get to school in the morning with your homework unfinished, because you weren't able to find the answer to some math or physics problem?

Although many of these books are outdated and refer to a lifestyle that has long since become obsolete, some of the more modern ones contain a quantity of useful advice on what attitudes to adopt and how to behave in the company of others.

But you'll quickly realize that the simple fact of knowing exactly what should and should not be done in a given situation - what is acceptable and what isn't - will give you a great feeling of security.

Because when you're with company, shyness is often provoked or exacerbated by your ignorance of accepted forms of social behavior, i.e. by your fear of doing something stupid and appearing clumsy and uneducated.

This enables you to see the enemy for what it really is.

Next you combat the acquired ideas which are often the root cause of shyness.