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Confidence is, first and foremost, the reflection of a positive self image.

To have confidence in yourself, you have to like yourself.

To inspire confidence in others, you have to learn to have confidence in yourself.

To convince others, you first have to be convinced yourself.

Why do charismatic persons have absolutely no trouble finding people to rally behind them?

Because they are already convinced that what they're doing is right.

By learning to appreciate yourself, by adopting the attitude that success will come to you as your right, since you are just as intelligent, competent and careful as anyone else, you increase your potential for success astronomically.

It comes and goes without our knowing exactly why, at first glance.

Because a few minutes of introspection is usually enough to resolve the mystery of why your self confidence suddenly disappears.

When you were in school, you probably shared some of your apprehensions about exams with your parents, and they probably said something like, "Well, if you don't think you can do it, then obviously you won't be able to do it!"

As simple as it sounds, this principle should stay with us throughout our lives, like a guardian angel.

Because confidence breeds success which, in turn, breeds more success.

Lose your confidence, and you will experience failure after failure.

To acquire self confidence, the kind that radiates from magnetic personalities, which is a basic ingredient of charisma, you have to be persevering.

But it's not as difficult as you may think.

For example, do you remember the first time you rode a bicycle, or the first time you put on a pair of skates or skis?

You were probably shaking with fear, like most people do.

Yet today, riding a bike, skating or skiing, seem like the most natural things in the world.

Do you remember when you were learning to drive?

After finally mastering the arcane mystery of moving forward smoothly out of first gear - with gritted teeth and sweat pouring off your brow - you learned to maneuver in traffic, park, start up a hill, and so forth.

Yet today you drive almost mechanically, without any trouble at all!

You have complete confidence in your ability as a driver, and your success comes automatically.

How to acquire the confidence you lack?

You are going to follow a progressive method which consists of two phases, each of those being subdivided into numerous steps.

First, you'll learn how to recognize your own worth and remain aware of it.

Then comes learning how to affirm yourself, i.e. the practical application, in day to day life, of your newly acquired confidence.

Methodically enumerate your strong points, as well as the occasions on which you've put them to good use.

In which areas do you possess special abilities?

They may be professional abilities, or hobbies, sports, etc.

What tangible things have you accomplished (academic or professional success, educating your children, success in your marriage or personal life, in sports, and so on)?

On which occasions have you experienced the pleasure of success?

Search through your memory, going back as far as you can right to your childhood.

What do people you know appreciate about you?

In terms of self confidence, it's just as important knowing how to collect stamps as it is to change a sparkplug in your car, or maintain a happy household.

Read and re-read the list of your successes.

Keep it with you, and add to the list from time to time.

Savour it, and impregnate your mind with the positive image it portrays, because that positive image is you!

We all fail at some time or other.

Even the most charismatic persons will sometimes fail in their endeavours.

But unlike such persons, our reactions to failure can be catastrophic.

Many people brood over setbacks and disappointments and finally allow them to dominate their entire lives!

Now here's a little test which will help you determine whether you have a tendency towards optimism or pessimism.

1. Someone places a glass containing water, wine, juice or any other drink you like in front of you.

2. You pass a beautiful house, one that comes very close to being the house of your dreams.

5. You're waiting for someone at the train station.

1. Get a notebook (agenda format) and a pen and take them with you wherever you go.

Don't worry, this isn't because your state of mind is deteriorating, but simply because, as you get into the habit of writing down your negative thoughts, you become more aware of them, and fewer escape detection.

You can replace this negative thought with something like: "Well, it's raining!

The English language is equipped with numerous sayings, which are the fruit of popular experience: Here are two, which you should always keep in mind: "No risk, no gain."

If you're one of those parents, then you'd better realize that your child's life belongs to him (or her), and that he's free to do what he wants.

Most of us are afraid of saying no.

Psychologists attribute this reflex to a fear of being rejected.

We think that if we refuse someone we will suffer disastrous consequences, the least of which is losing that person's friendship or affection.

Well, that may be true, you say, but when you buy a pair of shoes or a life insurance policy because the salesman or broker is relentless, is it still out of a fear of being rejected?

After all, you hardly know the person!

Maybe so, but psychologists have discovered that most people can't stand being rejected by anyone, even by people they don't like or don't know.

People who never say no are also ashamed of being considered (horror of horrors!) selfish - if for example, they dare refuse entertaining twenty five guests for Christmas dinner, or refuse to be their children's chauffeur, or refuse to work overtime on a regular basis for no extra pay to please the boss.

What is the result of this attitude?

If you've never learned to say no, then you've certainly accumulated a toxic dose of resentment.

You surely have the feeling you're being exploited, that you're the person "everybody asks, because you always say yes..."

Well, it's time to get rid of those toxins!

Charismatic people don't let anyone walk all over them.

People like Napoleon, Roosevelt, Washington and Gandhi, to name just a few, were definitely not pushovers.

It took a lot to convince them, and they certainly knew how to affirm themselves.

First, make sure to avoid all demonstrations of displeasure - sighs, shouts, tears etc. Saying no doesn't mean you have to bring your fist crashing down on the table.

What you do need to be is firm.

Here are a few golden rules - you'll soon realize how effective they are.

1. Listen to the request attentively, and take time to think it over before answering.

For example, if someone calls you up and asks you to go shopping with them, and you're not sure whether you feel like going, you could politely answer: "I have to think about it.

I'll call you back in a few minutes."

2. Make sure you tell the truth.

No lame excuses, no invented pretexts which you'll forget, no lies to make your life more complicated.

3. Get your message across tactfully and considerately.

Refusing someone doesn't mean beating them to death.

If you're asked to come to a meeting, for example, it would be more diplomatic to say: "Thanks for thinking about me, but I don't think I'll have the time..."

It would be a complete waste of time for 4.

Don't make the mistake of arguing, especially when the other person gets aggressive.

They are your best weapons against those who pretend to be shocked by your sudden refusal to comply with their wishes.

Avoid getting into any kind of discussion about your refusal.

You don't have to provide superfluous explanations.

Just smile and say, "No." Let's look at an example: your spouse comes home from work and announces that he (or she) has invited a colleague over for dinner on Saturday night.

He knows that you've been looking forward to going out on Saturday, to a movie or the theatre, and so he's going to try and get you to change your mind.

If you really feel like going to the movie or the play, then there's no reason why you shouldn't go.

Don't get involved in a long, drawn-out discussion, which could very well turn into a fight, during which both of you will probably say things you'll regret.

Simply repeat, as politely and calmly as possible, your desire to go out on that night.

Your spouse can entertain his guests on his own.

"Well," I hear you saying, "he's going to have to explain my absence somehow."

5. Don't excuse yourself There's no reason why you have to invent some excuse because you've said no to someone.

It's your absolute right as an individual.

By offering excuses, you place yourself in an inferior position, you reveal your fear and give the other person the impression that he can break through your defenses and get you to change your mind.

A discussion will follow, and you'll probably end up giving in just to have a little peace.

Here's some good news: according to specialists, the first "no" is the most difficult.

When you realize that this first refusal has not resulted in any cataclysmic disaster, then it becomes easier to refuse a second time.

Because affirming yourself requires more than negative responses.

Affirming yourself also means knowing how to ask for things.

Another proverb will illustrate the point: "Giving is sweeter than receiving."

It inflates the ego, it makes us feel worthy, it creates a deep feeling of satisfaction in us.

But if you don't ask for anything, you risk being overlooked.

Other people can't always guess what you expect of them.

Even your spouse, your parents and your closest friends cannot know exactly what's going on inside your head, at the precise moment you desire something.

This method help you discover what you can do to increase your self confidence.

After pinpointing the ingredients that confidence is made of, you drew up a list of your successes which you now keep close at hand, periodically making additions.

You'll be happier, healthier, and more charismatic.

Also, you know that acquiring the magnetic personality you dream of having requires knowing how to affirm yourself.

There are ways to say no without hurting anyone - you have to be diplomatic and sensitive, while remaining firm and concise.